


Good Enough

by artikgato



Category: Kamen Rider W (Double)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Fluff, M/M, Spoilers, end of series spoilers, teeth-rottingly sweet fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-19 07:24:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artikgato/pseuds/artikgato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Philip is back, and Shotaro is tongue-tied. But since when did the two of them need words?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Set directly after Philip returns in the end of the last episode, AU to the movies. This just sort of came from out of nowhere and compelled me to write it. Originally written and posted in February 2012

    " _I should probably stop drinking so much now that Philip's back_ " Shotaro found himself thinking, half-empty wine glass in hand, a nice, warm feeling settling through him that was only partially due to the alcohol. Anyone who paid close attention to him could see the real reason why his cheeks were flushed, why there was a wide smile on his face that hadn't been seen on it in over a year, why he seemed to be brimming with happiness. Tonight it was okay to drink though, he reasoned. Tonight the alcohol wasn't to help him forget, to dull the pain, the ache, the  _loneliness_ , but it was for celebration instead. Still, when he felt his head swimming a little too much he put the glass down and quietly slipped outside. It was cool, not cold enough to be unpleasant but just enough to cool his flushed cheeks and gradually sober him up.  
  
    The stars were out and bright, and Shotaro lost track of time staring up at them, picking out constellations, tracing imaginary lines through the sky, watching the silvery clouds slowly drifting high above the windy city. He wanted to be inside with the others (his partner), but in Philip's presence right now, his throat felt tight, and he couldn't help the impulse to  _touch_ , to  _feel_ , to make sure his partner was really  _there_. And the alcohol hadn't been helping, of course. His dark-haired partner hadn't seemed to mind, but when Queen and Elizabeth started to call him out on it and Santa-chan had goaded him about his "clumsiness", he knew the "accidental" brushes and touches needed to stop. So here he was, and there were the stars.  
  
    He was broken from his reverie by the sound of the door opening and closing behind him, and his name was called in the voice that he'd longed to hear again for an entire year.  
  
    "Shotaro? Is everything okay?" Philip asked, and Shotaro turned to him with a grin.  
  
    "Yeah, everything's fine, " he answered. " _Better_ than fine, actually." Philip returned the smile, moving to stand beside him and look up at the stars that had been the center of Shotaro's attention just moments before. Shotaro tried to swallow the sudden lump that formed in his throat and failed. There was that persistent tightness in his throat again. His tongue felt heavy, too, now that they were  _finally_ alone. But it was probably better that his tongue felt heavy. That meant that he couldn't just blurt out everything he wanted to say all at once.  
  
    He'd promised himself, told himself over and over that if ( _when_ ) Philip came back he'd tell him. He was not going to make the mistake twice. He was going to tell Philip just how much he meant to him. How much he'd missed him. How much he...loved him.  
  
    Clearing his throat, he opened his mouth to speak, trying to say something,  _anything_ , but the words died before they were formed. His partner looked over at him, curious, and he snapped his mouth shut. How many times had he envisioned this scene in the past year?  _'If Philip comes back, this is what I'll say to him...'_. He'd practically memorized the speech he wanted to give. He'd gone over all the things he wanted to say, painstakingly chosen the correct words. At first he'd tried so hard to just  _forget_ , but eventually he'd realized that there was no arguing with his mind when it drifted to (painful) thoughts of his partner, and so he'd just settled for the least painful thing he could think of - planning how he was going to say all of this to Philip if ( _when_!) the boy found his way back. And now by some crazy miracle Philip  _had_ come back, and he couldn't even find his voice!  
  
    "Something on your mind?" Philip prompted, and Shotaro breathed in deeply, gathering his courage.  
  
    It was simple. It was so simple. It was just three words. _'I love you, Philip.'_  Once that little confession was out of the way, the explanation would come out naturally, he was sure of it.  
  
    But.  
  
    What if he blurted all that out, and Philip didn't feel the same way? Philip had  _just_ come back. Wasn't this too much to be burdening him with, too soon after his return? Shouldn't he wait? But...when would there ever be an appropriate time? Tomorrow? The day after? The  _week_ after? At least tonight there were excuses, things Shotaro could awkwardly blame his confession on if it went sour. Excuses that wouldn't really work tomorrow. It was now or never, it had to be  _tonight_.  
  
    Mind made up, courage mustered, he turned and locked eyes with his partner.  
  
    "I-"  
  
    "Philip-kun!" Elizabeth shouted, cutting Shotaro's confession short and startling them both. "So this is where you are! Listen, we're about to play Twister, you should join us!"  
  
    "Uhm, Elizabeth," Philip started to protest. Catching the reluctant look on his face and, naturally, misinterpreting, she continued.  
  
    "Or if you don't want to play that we can do something else! Come on!" she was all but dragging him away now. He glanced back to see Shotaro, and evidently the detective was doing nothing to hide the disappointment on his face, because Philip gave him a sympathetic look.  
  
    "Sorry, Elizabeth, " Philip pulled away from her, deflecting her pout with a yawn. "But I'm getting tired. Jet lag and all that."  
  
    "Oh," she started. Philip cringed, but she smiled. "Okay! I'll gather everyone else up for you then! You need your rest!" she exclaimed. Turning to Shotaro, she glared. "And you, you'd better let him get his rest or else!" Shotaro just watched, dumbfounded, as the guests poured out of the Agency and Philip acted like he was in dire need of rest. Akiko and Terui were the last to leave, bidding them good night and promising to be back in the morning to cook breakfast. There was a coy look in Akiko's eyes, and she smirked wordlessly at Shotaro before she trailed out of the door after her boyfriend, giggling. Philip closed the door and leaned against it heavily, smiling at Shotaro.  
  
    "So, what were you trying to say earlier?" the younger male asked, and Shotaro felt his throat getting tight again against his will. Staring at his feet, Shotaro willed himself to speak but just couldn't. A few moments of silence went by before Philip tried again. "Shotaro?"  
  
    "It's funny," Shotaro finally managed to say, looking up and forcing himself to meet his partner's eyes. "I had so much I wanted to tell you if you ever came back, but now I just can't find the words..."  
  
    Smiling, Philip simply crossed the room, stopping in front of the detective.       
  
    "Since when have we needed words?" Philip asked, his voice as soft as his hands as they reached up, cupping his face and pulling him forward into a kiss. At first Shotaro had been stunned, only realizing what was happening when Philip started to pull away. He was quick to slide his hands around Philip's head, kissing back desperately, passionately. His younger partner moved so that his arms were around Shotaro's shoulders, answering Shotaro by moaning softly into the kiss. All of a sudden, Shotaro just couldn't take it. He pulled back from the kiss just enough to look his partner in the eyes.  
  
    "I love you," he panted, desperately trying to steady his heavy breathing.  
  
    "Me too," Philip replied almost immediately, just as breathless. "I love you too, Shotaro." And then they were kissing again, despite the fact that neither of them had really had time to catch their breath. They didn't care. Their kiss was short and it left both of them feeling pleasantly lightheaded.  
  
    "This isn't a dream, is it?" Shotaro found himself asking, and resisted the urge to pinch himself to find out. Philip smiled, a sad but understanding smile. In an instant that smile turned devious, and Shotaro felt a light pinch on his shoulder as his dark-haired partner did it for him.  
  
    "H-hey!" he managed to protest, but Philip deflected his mock indignity with another impossibly sweet kiss.  
  
    "I'm not going anywhere, Shotaro," Philip said against his mouth, and Shotaro's heart jumped at the words. And then once they had parted for air again, he continued, "I promise. I'll stay with you for as long as you want me here."  
  
    " _I want you here forever_ ," Shotaro thought, surprising himself with the intensity of his feelings.  
  
    "I..." he started. "A year ago I couldn't picture my life without you in it. Now that I've had to live through that, I..."  
  
    He stopped. He sounded an awful lot like he was...proposing, didn't he? Suddenly the notion just wouldn't leave his head, and a metallic glint from his hand buried in Philip's soft hair caught his attention for a brief moment. The ring he always wore on his right hand...  
  
    Suddenly, gently, he pushed his partner back, only to be met with a look that was confused at first, and then outright shocked when, in one fluid motion he slid the ring off of his pinky and knelt down one one knee, holding out the metal band. He had the most serious, most passionate look on his face, eyes catching Philip's startled gaze and holding it for the agonizing silence that followed. He watched the younger male as he looked on, confused, and tried to keep his hand steady, tried to keep his heart from sinking. ' _Philip might not know about this custom_ '  he found himself thinking.  
  
    "Do you know what this means, Philip? What this gesture means?" he asked. At the sound of his voice, Philip seemed to snap himself out of a puzzled trance, eyes snapping back up to his from where they'd been staring at the ring in his hand.  
  
    "...yes," Philip said, and Shotaro felt his throat constrict, felt his nerves wound up tight, and had to force himself to stay still, remind himself that he hadn't actually posed the question 'will you marry me', remind himself that Philip wasn't necessarily responding yes to that unspoken question. But the tears that were starting to well up in the younger man's eyes, the happy look on his face, those were promising. "Yes...yes, I'll marry you, Shotaro."  
  
    In a heartbeat he was on his feet again and Philip was in his arms, one arm wrapped tight around his waist, the other cradling his face as they kissed again, Philip's arms clinging to his shoulders again. The idea had come from nowhere, he hadn't rehearsed it, hadn't even  _thought_ about it, and still...  
  
    "I'll get you a proper ring later," he found himself babbling when they finally separated, and he slid the ring onto Philip's hand, almost giddy. Philip just smiled at him, eyes suddenly growing serious when they met the older male's.  
  
    "But, Shotaro, are you sure  _you_ want to do this?" he asked, and Shotaro stared at him, confused. Hadn't he been the one who had asked in the first place? "I mean, there are societal and physical implications to consider. Same-sex marriages are not legal in Japan, you know, and many of our friends and clients may not be very supportive. And you...aren't inclined towards homosexuality, Shotaro." The brunette was silent as Philip recited these facts as clearly as if he was reading them out of an encyclopedia.  "I'll stay with you no matter what, Shotaro, so we don't have to get married if you-"  
  
    "No," Shotaro interjected, sternly. "No, I want to. Even if it won't be legal, and people may not like it, and even if we lose clients because of it, I love you, Philip. I want to be with you."  
  
    Philip let out a tense breath, and Shotaro thought that he must have been holding it in fear of Shotaro actually agreeing with what he'd been saying. And, well, it wasn't like what Philip had been saying didn't make sense, but at the moment he didn't care about any of that. He loved this eccentric, wordy, skinny, pale, frustrating, endearing, beautiful,  _wonderful_ partner, and he didn't care who knew. Maybe they'd never walk down the aisle, or exchange vows, or share a kiss of holy matrimony, but just being able to live with him again in this agency, and knowing he felt the same way...that was good enough.


End file.
